Showing posts with label Sunday Scribblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunday Scribblings. Show all posts

Sunday, 18 November 2007

Sunday Scribblings - ... and carry 1...

Jo and Hannah doing homework
(not maths obviously, they look far too happy!)

Sundays. More particularly Sunday evenings. One word to strike fear and horror into the heart of both parents and children alike... HOMEWORK...
Traditional homework doing times in our house when I was a teen were (i) the evening of the day it was dished out if it meant that I could get out of doing the washing up (ii) on the bus on the morning it was due to be handed in (iii) Sunday Evening.
The worst thing about doing my homework on a Sunday Evening was that Dad would be around to "help"... On Sunday evenings lovely, funny, cuddly Dad was touched by the forces of evil and mutated into Maths Homework Dad. Is there anything worse in the whole world than your father insisting on helping with Maths homework? My Dad had studied Maths at university for a while and found numbers endlessly fascinating and magical - I on the other hand found them non-sensical and endlessly mind numbing. Needless to say he was severely disappointed in me and my mathematical prowess. He went on to be mathematically disappointed in Gill and Jo in turn, followed by Steph when her time came. He could not understand why we just didn't get it and we in turn were utterly disinterested in getting it. I can remember as a small child sobbing myself to sleep over long division - all that stuff about 3 goes into 10 three times and carry 1 had me baffled. Most maths homework sessions ended with us in tears and Dad gritting his teeth and us all stamping off in different directions muttering darkly about each other. It was one of his few failings as far as we girls were concerned. It's a big pity that he didn't live long enough to see how much Holly loves maths - they could have communed over numbers and got all rapturous about quadratic equations, differential calculus ... and stuff... whatever...

Sunday, 11 November 2007

Sunday Scribblings

A memorial in Kabul dedicated to the British Officers and Soldiers,
who gave their lives in the Afghan Wars of the 19th and 20th Century.



Remembrance Day Parade

Where are ye going to my bonnie laddie?
Where are you going to my bonnie, brave boy?
Acht, Mammy! Dinnae fash now! Can ye no’ see?
I’m away to join the army a soldier to be.

Oh no son! Dae ye no read the paper? Dae ye no see the news?
Our laddies die daily, I dinnae want it tae be you.
Aye Mammy I ken that, but I cannae stay here
Not while ma pals fight with terror and fear.

So I’ll put on a helmet, and shoulder my gun
march left, right, under the harsh Afghan sun
Two minutes to remember, those here before
and new fields of poppies under RPG roar.


The Afghan Poppy Fields

(photo credits: Guardian and MOD)

Sunday, 4 November 2007

Making the world go round...


Loto flicked moodily through his copy of Take a Break and thought what an utter, utter git his brother Loki was. The magazine provided a fairly efficient barometer of Loki's success at spreading despair and despondency about the world and if today's issue was anything to go by he was indeed "cooking with gas bro'!" as he had claimed in his last email. Loto on the other hand was doing his level best to make people happy- you'd think that giving money to people would be easier than it was turning out to be. He'd been thrilled when he'd thought up the idea of the Lottery, it gave him the ideal vehicle for dishing out money - and that was his job. As demi-semi-dinky-teeny god-ette jobs went it was okay - could be a lot worse, he could be like Hœnir and not be allowed to say anything ever; talking to him was very frustrating because, frankly, he was rubbish at charades. Anyway - it was Saturday and therefore the day he most often had prayers sent directly his way. He tuned into the white noise that swirled around him most of the time and sifted through the susurration of the many, many voices whispering, hissing, breathing their prayers "Let me win, please, let me win...". It was difficult to decide who deserved the money most. Sometimes he got lazy about doing his background research and the money ended up with someone who, by popular assent of his worshippers, just did not deserve it; a yobbo who frittered his money on drink, drugs and other unwholesome pursuits or someone who already had more money than they knew what to do with. Sometimes he gave all the money to one person and sometimes to many; sometimes he dropped actual winning tickets into the handbags, pockets, purses of his people and sometimes he put the idea in their head about the numbers he would choose that week. You'd think that would be enough but no, people lost their tickets, didn't bother checking them and hardly ever listened to him in their head - they stuck to the numbers they always used, some odd combination of birthdays, ages and door numbers usually. He listened again to the prayers coming his way today it was a bit like turning the dial on a radio until he found a message that was clear and precise...
Enid wondered if it was necessary to look at stars when attempting cosmic ordering. She’d read Noel’s book, well, read some of it anyway but she couldn't remember whether star gazing was mentioned. She’d tried cosmic ordering her lottery win both last week and the week before. The first attempt failed she thought because she had been too non-specific, she had just asked for some money. Last week she had been quite specific (£5 million) but perhaps a bit greedy. This week she had decided to ask for £93,427 based on the premise that it was (a) pretty dashed specific and (b) not terribly greedy. It was the amount she thought that would allow her to pay off all her outstanding bills, buy a new carpet for the parlour and get a few new clothes from Jaeger, and leave her with a wee bit over. The bills were beginning to worry her. She’d been so downhearted when Henry had died, it might have been a bit different if they’d had children but they had never been blessed. Then everything had become so much worse when she discovered that Henry’s pension didn’t come to her after all and the stocks and shares they had were really rather worthless. She’d had to sell some things from the house, none of which were worth very much but the money had kept her going for a while. Now there was nothing left to sell and the house looked as sad and bereft as she felt. The friends she had once had seemed to have drifted away whilst she was lost in her grief and now she couldn’t afford to have them back, it cost money to socialise and she just didn’t have it. Her social contact was limited to the people she met when she volunteered in the children’s hospital shop, the Doctors and Nurses were just lovely, she saw how hard they worked and how hard they tried to make the children well and keep their families nourished in their hope. She saw the families too, learned which child was theirs, how they were faring. She wanted to let them know how much she cared what happened, how hard she prayed for their child to be well, how she wanted to do more – but they only saw the pleasant, tweedy lady from Morningside and she didn’t know how to connect. If she won a lot of money on the Lottery she would give some of it to the Hospital, she decided, that way she could show how much she cared. If it was more than £200,000 she would give half of it away she thought. Oh Great God Loto, in all your munificent beneficence please let me win.
Loto like the Great God bit. He wasn't a Great God, but he liked it anyway. He wasn't sure about the munificent beneficence though. Actually, he wasn't even sure what it meant but she was a nice old duck and he felt sure that she'd stick to her bargain and not blow it all on drink, drugs and Ferraris. As the balls spun in their machine Loto nudged out the numbers that appeared on Enid's ticket...

Friday, 26 October 2007

Scenes from a hospital Life

Tiny girl. Poorly sick. Meningitis? Leukaemia. Chemotherapy. Angel curls falling like question marks on the pillow.
Weak. Stronger. Weaker. Strong again. It’s worse. Shingles. Kidney stones.
It’s winter.
Nurses dressed as Ghosties from Scooby Doo entertaining bed bound child.
Nurses nursing a mother’s splintering heart.
Nurses holding a weeping father’s hand.
Nurses playing Barbies with big sisters and keeping life going.
Handsome boy Doctor flirting with small, brave, bald girl who flutters lashless eyes and giggles.
It’s spring.
Worse and worse. Better and better. Home. Hospital sleepover only. Chemo continues.
Stubble appears.
Roid Rage in nursery. Playing outside. A cold. No problem.
Angel curls unfurl again and signal the growing of hope.
Summer's coming.

This beautiful girl is my niece the day after she was diagnosed


Bald but beautiful still


Our lovely girl is heading towards well.

In the worst times, she showed us the way to go. She is brave, resilient and out of her head on drugs in the video clip.


video

We know we are blessed and we miss those who weren't. This posting is in memory of our girl's friend Iona. She's often in our thoughts.


Trying to figure out what to do with your excess Lottery win or even that spare fiver? Leukaemia Research Fund, Edinburgh Sick Kids Hospital, Winston's Wish

Sunday, 14 October 2007

First Job, Worst Job, Dream Job

My first job was working as a "Saturday girl" in Boots the Chemist. I worked on the chemist counter and had to wear a white overall with attractive flowery bits on it, which only slightly detracted from the I'm-a-person-you-can-trust-with-your-embarrassing-symptoms look we were all aiming for. It was a lie. Each Saturday Ronnie and I would choose a product, usually something that smelt really bad or turned your skin a funny colour, with the aim of selling as many as possible that day. The winner got nothing except the satisfaction of knowing that somewhere somebody was rubbing their chest with haemorrhoid cream. Old people were the easiest to convince - anything that smelt that bad has to do you good! My favourite selling technique was to let them sniff the embrocation or linctus - one whiff would have them choking and gagging "Aye hen, that's guid and strong - gies twa of they wans."

Condoms were an endless source of entertainment. This was in the days before condoms were on public view and so anyone who wanted them had to ask for them. I had some very bizarre conversations, usually held in a whisper, as a result. There were requests for Aspirin accompanied by a lot of nodding and twitchy winking. I liked to torture these people (invariably men) by asking if they wanted them soluble etc. My favourite condom customer though was a slightly scatty looking woman I remember asking me "How much is it for a pack of 3 durex?" "39p madam" I replied perkily

"Acht, I'll just have a Caramac instead..."

I was 15. I thought that there was some fail safe way of using a Caramac as a contraceptive. Luckily I didn't try it out.


My worst job was working in a vegetable packing factory. In winter. Night shift. I had to watch Brussels sprouts going past on a conveyor belt and pick out the mushy ones. There were 4 of us and we were all students working in the holidays. We used to play eye-spy (Something beginning with B.S.!) and take the mickey out of the full time workers and their enthusiasm for the veg they happened to be packing. No wonder they hated us. I used to wear so many clothes I couldn't get my arms down to my sides but it didn't help, I was still freezing. Not only that but I smelt of Brussels Sprouts.


My dream job is to do something that made everyone I came into contact with have a better day, some extra joy in their life. Maybe to be the person who hands over the winners lottery cheque? That has the benefit of being very part time and I could carry on with my faffing around with other stuff for the rest of the time! Actually - thinking about it my new job as a Civil Ceremonies Celebrant has all the hallmarks of being a fab day out as well as a way to earn a crust!