Well! Well! Well!

If you have ever, ever chucked your change into a collection can for Cancer Research, or given a wad of cash to Leukaemia Research, given blood, donated platelets, run a sponsored mile for Edinburgh Sick Kids Hospital then I just want to thank you.

This is what you did...
...Ellie is well after two and a half years of treatment.

Thank you.

Thursday Thirteen - Books I read again and again and again

1. Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons -Utterly brilliant, still funny, still clever and I read it at least twice a year.



2. Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K Jerome - I carry this book in the car with me so that if I end up waiting somewhere I have something to read, and I just open it at any page and begin. I just love it.



3. Forever Amber by Kathleen Winsor - I think I would have liked Amber although there are times you want to give a good smack. The book paints such a clear picture of how the period was... or at least how Kathleen Winsor thought it was!



4. Flashman by George MacDonald Fraser - or in fact any of the Flashman books. I love the beastly cad, an unutterable bounder and how he is always at the heart of the action even though he's trying desperately hard not to be!



5. The Thirty Nine Steps by John Buchan - a really good adventure story which has intrigue, romance and pace.



6. Cross stitch by Diana Gabaldon - I thought this would be utter pants but I was gripped by the story and its telling and only got a bit fed up with the series by the time I got to the 5th book.



7. The Oxford English Dictionary - if I go and look up something in the dictionary I soon get hooked and start reading it, and then annoy people by saying "Did you know ...." a lot.



8. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult



9. Who goes here? by Bob Shaw



10. Bridget Jones' Diary by Helen Fielding




11. Neither Here nor There by Bill Bryson


12. Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson


13. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Thursday thirteen #2

Thirteen scots words or expressions I like and use:

Sir Walter Scott's Baffies

1. Baffies - Bedroom (or in fact any other room too) Slippers
2. Scaffies - Environmental waste disposal operators or bin men as they were formerly known
   Oor Wullie, your Wullie, A'bodies Wullie... Apparently
   
3. Jings! - an expression of surprise, sometimes partnered with "crivens!" and "help ma boab!", well if you're living in the Oor Wullie world anyway.
4. Pus - a coarse term for face, used often in our household in the phrase "gonnae shut yer pus!" between myself and sisters mainly because it drives my Mum batty(er).
5. Outwith - means outside. It's not a madey uppy word and is used outwith our household too you know, but just try looking it up in a dictionary.
6. Wha daur meddle wi' me?! -The royal coat of arms in Scotland has the Latin motto "Nemo me impune lacessit". The English translation of this is "Nobody interferes with me with impunity" and this is often defiantly expressed in broad Scots as "Wha daur meddle wi' me?"
7. Dreich - a word for grey days, damp but not properly raining with a dismal feeling all round. Could have been applied to pretty much any of the days in our putative summer this year. This is Aberdeen. This is Dreich in action.
8. Oxters - your armpits. Used in the phrase "Ah'm up tae ma oxters in shite!" for example meaning "I'm in a bit of a mess!".
9. Scunnered - mean fed up or bothered as in the phrases "Ah'm scunnered" or "Ah cannae be scunnered"
10. Thole - put up with as it "you'll just have tae thole it!"
11. It's a sair fecht - It's a hard life, implying it's a struggle to keep going.
12. Here's tae us; wha's like us? Gey few, and they're a' deid! - A scots toast neatly combining being a bit full of yersel and yet remaining miserable - wouldn't want anyone to think we were drinking that whisky was for fun or anything.
13. Shoot the Crow - means to leave and so now I'm going tae shoot the crow masel!

Thursday Thirteen # 3

Thirteen family phrases and sayings etc

1. "There's nothing like a well ironed gusset!" - My Mum actually really likes ironing and she's not just kidding on. She actually said this when I said to her "Why in the name of the wee man are you ironing knickers!!"
2. "Are you having a party with balloons and hot Ribena?" - Steph was feeling quite left out when at the age of 3 she had been sent to bed whilst all us adults sat and chatted and laughed. Finally the sound of our increasing hilarity was too much for her and she stamped down the stairs and burst into the sitting room. Standing with her hands on her hips she challenged us with "Are you having a party with balloons and hot Ribena?" obviously her idea of a really good time and now used as a phrase to indicate that one of us is feeling left out of a good time!
3. "Once Upon a long time ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth, before television was invented and when your Mum was just a little girl ..." The way our made up stories start thanks to my Dad, who always followed this bit with "... there lived a handsome prince called Brian..." no prizes for guessing his name!
4. "Dearest most beautiful Aunt Les I like your hair - please can I have..." yes I damn well do make them all say it when they want something! and not just them, my friends say it, previous work mates said it... yup! I'm that needy!"
5. Can I smell Garlic?"

to which the reply is always "If you want to!"

"Nothing - she loves you!" When one of us had just yelled "MUM!!" in order to rat on a sister and Mum had replied "What?!" the about to be ratted on shouted this whilst clamping her hand firmly over the mouth of the ratter. Ha. And Mum never even twigged. No really.

"I'm too big!"

- as an excuse for trying to get out of doing anything, it comes from Holly getting big and small muddled a bit when younger.

"When I was a little girl..." this is the way my papa Les and my dad would always begin reminiscences of their childhoods... strange.

"Damn that creaky floorboard!" fart? My family? Never!! the house just creaks a lot!

"Hanging from my bottom lip shouting Tarzan!" a singularly unhelpful phrase usually used by Mum first thing in the morning when we were looking for essentials like pants and had asked her where they were. She's lucky we didn't go to school naked.

"Listen to me Matilda Jane!!" by Mum - accompanied by hands on hips and glaring, when you were in for a BIG telling off this was the phrase that prefaced it. Slightly bizarre given that none of us are called Matilda. Or Jane.

"Quelle slut?" meaning what time is it? derived from our rubbish, but entertaining when you're 13, pronunciation of heure as hoor, the phrase "Quelle heure et il?" being then conveniently shortened.

"Happy Eldest Daughter's Day!" May 15th in case you're wondering and why yes, I am the eldest daughter! frankly I just wasn't getting enough presents in my life not having any kids or husbands cuts down on what you get - so if you're in the same situation take my tip and give yourself a Day! It works, I get cards and presents every year.

Who's that short, fat chick then?

I think I have whatever the opposite of Body dysmorphic disorder is.

I'm not being flippant here, but I am constantly surprised to find I'm a short, fat middle aged woman. I catch a glimpse of my reflection as I walk past a window and I just don't recognise that person. In my head I'm at least 6 inches taller and a whole person lighter. In fact, in my head I have a whole other life. Not only am I a tall, slim redheaded biker chick, but I am also fluent in Italian, French, German, Russian and Polish, bake my own bread and write bestselling novels in my spare time.

Is this self -delusion caused by my inner line-dancing, wild Texan, ranch owning, wilderness loving redhead (Fantasy me #74) yearning to break free or am I just in denial up to and beyond my oxters?

Being fat has given me an odd relationship with my body. I mostly ignore the way it looks ("no? really - wouldn't have guessed by looking at you" I hear you say!)and think of it as the way my face and mind get carted around, kind of like Davros clone in his fish tank phase. I do have many bts of my body that I am fond of and some which I greatly admire, for example I think I have an outstanding right forearm. I have always liked this bit. It has that slight arm-out-the-car-window colour and a lovely mole. As a kid I liked to watch how the sinews, tendons, muscles and other lumpy bits under the skin moved when I used my arm, I was doing this whilst riding my bicycle round in circles on the road when I smacked into a car coming in the opposite direction. I shot up over the bonnet and roof and landed behind the car. I leapt to my feet and ran away with the driver (probably having cacked himself) out the car and yelling "I know your father!". He almost certainly did, we lived on an RAF camp where everyone knew everthing about everyone and if they didn't they just made it up anyway. Fortunately Dad was in the outer Hebrides or somewhere at the time so never knew how my lovely forearm and I had nearly ended up as roadkill. What was I thinking as I was admiring my arm whilst cycling? I was thinking about how it looked like a boy's arm and that was a good thing - I could wear shorts and football boots and play with Nicholas Rigby's action men instead of shaven headed Sindy... Fantasy me #2 One day I shall tell you about gypsy princess me with the jailbird brother.